I was going to write an entry surrounding some of my feelings as of late, but as New Years Eve is today (and because I just finished writing out stuff in my passion planner, hooray!) I figured I would post a little bit of reflection about 2015. While my recent post was more of an overview of wide-reaching goals, I do have a varied, concrete list of things that I’m setting myself up to accomplish in 2016. Hopefully, most of them hold.
- call my sister once a week
- be better about budgeting/finances and budget once a week
- pay off at least one of my credit cards in full
- have a clear idea of my future re: marriage/kids/etc
- write every day for at least an hour
- complete nanowrimo
- run either a 5 or 10k (preferably avengers marathon in disney, if i can get in)
- limit Internet usage during the week so i can go to bed earlier/generally be more productive after work
- more regular appointments with my therapist
- read at least one book a month/read for at least an hour every day outside of commuting
- get up earlier to have time to sit/rest/relax/write/etc before work (i kind of do this now but i could be better about it)
- keep in touch with friends better on a daily basis
- less regrets
One of the hardest things for me to accept is change. This goes for anything: routine, living situations, even something as simple as when I went to grad school and realized I wasn’t going to be able to happily sit on my computer and write fic every night (this actually didn’t happen, I ended up basically giving up nothing fandom-related while in school, but I was freaked out for a long time about it.) To that end, I’m absolutely a different person than I was in January. I’d like to say that change is for the better, and in some ways, it is: I gained some great new friends, I’ve had some amazing experiences (I highly doubt anything’s going to top sharing a drink with Sophie Turner at the EW SDCC party, but one can dream — my superficial professional life goals are still high). I cultivated a year-long relationship that’s still going strong, I started therapy again after putting it off for way too long, and I stabilized myself in a job that I fought for. In some ways, the change was for the worse: living somewhere nice/convenient but expensive meant that I could barely save despite a decent salary, I came dangerously close to losing a few good friendships based on the fact I didn’t take care of myself properly, I recognized the root of a lot of my anxiety which, while great, also sent me into a spiral of regret I’m still struggling to work through so that it doesn’t affect my daily life. (Sorry to those of you who get whining texts. You know who you are.)
But I also believe that I gained as much as I lost. I’m going into 2016 with a clear head and a determined attitude, willing to take charge of the goals I’ve set for myself and the resolutions I’m striving for, no matter how big or how small those resolutions are. I have a renewed dedication to getting my life in order via a lot of different tactics, thanks to recognizing for the first time in a long time the steps that I need to take to help myself function properly. I have people in my life who I feel I can trust again, friends that inspire me and are there for me, and I have a supportive boyfriend who, despite some of my misgivings, I know I’m lucky to have because he would do anything to make sure I’m happy and loved. I’m not expecting 2016 to be easy, especially based on what I know I need to accomplish in terms of “big life goals.” But I feel optimistic, supported and energized, and really, that’s all I can ask for.